The following is an actual email I sent to the editor of People Magazine. Enjoy.
To Whom it May Concern,
My wife and I have a two week old baby who is beautiful. And seeing as how she has no job (that I know of), we would like to monetize her existence. So we have decided to give People Magazine the exclusive rights to her photo for the small price of $2 million (this is negotiable, but barely). She is much prettier than that kid you superimposed with Tom Cruise, and she sometimes smiles when she is gassy. This offer is good for one week or however long it takes you to get us a check (whichever comes second).
Father of the Year,
Benjamin Neeley
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