The Book was Better

I have some awesome advice for all who are planning to see the new Twilight movie. This tip will lift you up in the eyes of your friends, and you will finally be seen as the intellectual person you have been pretending to be all these years whether you are a teenager, adult, or a dude who loves a good cry.

Work the following phrase into your conversation, "The book was way better than the movie!" If you say this phrase exactly, remembering to include the exclamation mark, all within earshot will think you are much smarter than you actually are. Also, try wearing prescriptions strength glasses whether you need them or not.

Example Conversation:

The Sinners in the Back

I once heard an angry preacher preach an angry sermon.

He was angry at a particularly vile set of sinners; those sinners who make most people hide the eyes of their children and cover the ears of their pets. He was yelling at those people who did not attend Sunday evening worship.

He was bravely preaching this sermon at Sunday evening worship.

Holy Happy Hour

Last Wednesday I was in Fairfield, TX and decided to stop by Sonic to get some lunch. I went through the drive-thru. Personally, I believe that going through a drive-thru at Sonic is un-American, but the last time I parked in one of the stalls, the delivery girl almost dropped all of my food. Apparently, she had learned to skate mere seconds before she made the journey to my car carrying my food. So this time, I drove through.

When I pulled up to the speaker the girl asked if I could wait. I said, “Sure,” because I had no choice.

When she finally came back on, she said, “Welcome to Sonic, how may I take your order?” A thousand different clever, and stupid, retorts passed through my mind.