Preachers have a secret.
This secret has lasted several generations under a cloak of secrecy which can be likened to that of Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility (you are probably a nerd if you loved that last reference).
This secret tool is so influential that it can only be revealed in caps lock...
THE HAND OF CONDEMNATION
The hand of condemnation was discovered in 1822 by a man named Ernest Blaimya. He had been trying to develop a method that would enable him to point out the flaws of others while avoiding any sort of self-evaluation.
Ernest loved pointing at the particularly bad sinners in his congregation during his sermons, but hated the three fingers that pointed back at him. These three fingers didn’t seem to understand that Ernest’s sins were never as bad as the sins of those he was judging.
Then one bright and blessed Sunday, a man walked into Mr. Blaimya’s church. This man was late and underdressed, so Ernest knew he was a sinner of the worst kind (Seriously! He didn't even look like a Christian). During the first three songs Ernest and his wife glared judgment on this man so fiercely that, unbeknownst to him, he was in danger of bursting in to hell flames on the spot (some say that spontaneous condemnation is a myth, but a boy can dream can’t he?).
When it was time to preach, Ernest was so fired up that he didn’t make any announcements before his sermon. He just ripped right into it.
He preached so angrily that his palms were sweating, his vision was blurring, and when he spoke of those sinners who disrespect God by not having nice clothes, he pointed at the tardy fellow on the front row with all five fingers.
Thus, the long distance slap known now as the hand of condemnation was born.
You’re welcome.
